thus making me awesome and them whores
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
