There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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