There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
