The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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