Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
