I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
