I'm so fucking centered right now
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
