Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
