Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So apparently I’m into choking now
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