Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Everything about him screamed your future.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
50% drunk capacity currently
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
