I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You can't just leave with hair like that
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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