Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You should frame my arrest warrant.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
