5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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