broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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