the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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