Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
