I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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