If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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