Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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