we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
