If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
