Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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