Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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