Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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