Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize