smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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