this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
