I should be sponsored by Trojan
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
