Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
