Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your topless pictures make me question reality
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
