are you so shy because you have an std?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
