dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
