David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
