Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
