I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
