his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
