My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
