I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
