either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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