you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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