Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
