the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
