We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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