i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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