yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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