Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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