dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
