remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
