no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
