Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
