considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
