Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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