hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
