i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
