I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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