She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
