she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
