Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
