i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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