if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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