As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
