yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize