WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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