Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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