I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
