I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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