The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
