there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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