this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
