Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
