East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My hand turned me down
The best revenge is premature balding
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
