we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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