He is an equal opportunity slut.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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