Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
