All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I had to cum in my sink.
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