you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
