i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I smell stomach acid.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
